My Quest for Healing—in Books

I’ve been searching for healing, meaning, and happiness my entire life. 

It’s what ultimately led me to the work I do. 

I’ve spent YEARS searching for the answers to:

• Why did these things happen to me?
• Is there something wrong with me?
• Why have I been able to pull myself up each time?
• Why have so many been unable to pull themselves up?
• Why did I drink too much?
• How did I have the strength to quit?
• Why did I stay so long in a dysfunctional marriage?
• How did I have the strength to leave?

And on, and on, and on. 

One thing I know about me: I do not like having unanswered questions. 

So I search, and I read, and I research, and I ask the questions, and I seek help, and I exercise for my mental health. 

There are a few books in particular that have helped me change my perspective, understand my trauma, and build strength and confidence to move forward. 

And they’ve given me hope. 

In no particular order, below are the books and how they helped:

Broken Open, by Elizabeth Lesser:

I was able to reconcile that my failed marriage wasn’t a failure at all, but a stepping stone in my journey. Everything I experienced served a purpose, largely by way of lessons. This book allowed me to see that in the hardest of times, the times that rendered me unable to view the world in the same way ever again, I was meant to use that pain as an opportunity to burn down my old views and beliefs so that I could rise up and claim who I’m supposed to be—a real-life Phoenix Process.

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware: 

This book has sparked not only a new level of appreciation for life in me, but has also challenged my fear and comfort. Hearing the stories of the dying, with all of their regret for chances not taken, love not given, and pain not forgiven, gives me the level of indignation in the face of fear that fuels me to choose change, courage, and love above all else.

The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown:

This book came at a time in my life when everything was chaotic and uncertain, and it gave me permission to be totally myself and worthy. In a world of comparison, shame, and vulnerability seen as a negative, I was able to embrace imperfection and use it to empower me. By no longer ruminating and expending energy on things that don’t matter, I can move forward without constantly looking over my shoulder. 

Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert:

I bought several copies of this book many years prior to having actually read it myself. I’d heard about it on Oprah, and so many of her audience members stood up and told stories of reading the book and blowing up their lives, i.e. leaving unhealthy marriages, traveling, and choosing themselves for the first time. I had friends in unhappy marriages and so I naively gifted them this book, too afraid of reading it myself for fear that I would up and leave my husband. 

Years later, having just left said husband, I found myself face to face with a giant display table at the bookstore entrance featuring the 10th anniversary edition and took it as a sign. When Liz described being on her bathroom floor, feeling her absolute lowest while acknowledging she had very purposely created this life, I connected so deeply with her pain. Ultimately, this book did lead me on my own literal journey to Bali, where I met my true self for the first time. I sorted through all of my childhood pain and came out the other side feeling lighter, freer, and no longer burdened by the shackles of shame.

The Choice, Dr. Edith Eva Eger:

So much of my perspective shifted greatly after reading this book. We don’t choose to be victimized, but we choose to be victims. Pain and suffering come from our perspective of the event, not the event itself. Like Vikor Frankl, Dr. Eger is a Holocaust survivor, and she so beautifully writes about survival, love, and choice. Remaining in victimhood only brings us pain, and we’re left unable to live a happy, healthy life. If we want peace, we must choose it.

The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.:

Ooof, this one hit me where I needed it. I had read so many psychology books on trauma and grief, but something never seemed to explain my experiences, thoughts, and feelings in a way that truly resonated or made sense to me. I listened to this audio book and I can’t tell you how many times I had to sit down to process what I’d just heard. What I’d been missing from all other sources of insight was SCIENCE. This one book helped me understand how my childhood experiences and abuse translated into who I became as an adult and my subsequent [toxic] behaviours. You know the saying, “Knowledge is power…” Well, this new information gave me permission to forgive myself in a deep and meaningful way, allowing me the space to step more fully into who I’m meant to be. 

Man’s Search For Meaning, Viktor Frankl:

I’ve had a fascination with WWII and, more specifically, the Holocaust for years. I’ve read many stories & books and watched documentaries & movies, all with a mix of shock, horror, and jubilation—for those who not only survived, but who thrived in the face of such a monumental catastrophe. I’d heard mumblings about Frankl’s book, but didn’t pick up a copy until I was in my forties—the perfect time considering I was on my own quest for meaning. 

I will never compare my own experiences to those of Holocaust survivors. The hardship, torture, and degredation they experienced has no comparison. But this book doesn’t focus on the gruesome details of the events, but rather Frankl explores the “human will to find meaning in spite of the worst adversity” and the curious observation of how the people most likely to survive extreme suffering were not the strongest physically, but the ones who felt their life still had purpose. I have spent years trying to figure out why I have survived and/or overcome my own hardship, when so many haven’t. 

My discovery of Viktor Frankl and logotherapy, his primary focus as a psychiatrist, has played a pivotal role in helping me understand “Why me, and not them?” Reading from a very early age opened my mind to a world outside of my immediate life and trauma and gave me hope for another life waiting for me. Hope is what I clung to throughout childhood, and it’s what kept the depression gremlins at bay.           

We aren’t meant to do everything on our own, especially the really hard things. I strongly encourage you to tell your story and ask all the questions, because that’s how you rid yourself of shame, connect with others, and find your path to healing and happiness. 

I hope you find something here that you connect with, and if my insights have encouraged you to read any of the abovementioned books—and you subsequently find answers and/or healing—then my time here was well spent. Happy reading!